Weeks 4-11

I have quite a bit to backtrack on so I'm going to lump most of the first trimester into one entry.


I found out I was pregnant on July 28th. I had purchased a test the previous night thinking I could trick my body into doing what it normally did every month. The morning of the 28th I took a test out of curiosity and I almost fell over when I saw a faint line appear.
When I say faint - I mean really faint. So faint that I brushed it off as possibly not real and didn't say anything to Kevin. On my way home from work that night I purchased $30 worth of tests (that included digital tests that - in my mind - would be dummy proof because there would be no deciphering lines).

So, on July 29th, I took two tests that morning when I woke up. The digital literally said "pregnant" - there was no reading that wrong.

August 16th - 6 weeks 1 day: A series of pains cause my midwife to send me to the ER for an ultrasound to make sure my pregnancy isn't ectopic since we hadn't yet seen the fetus.

The baby is nothing but a circle but the tech even manages to show me the tiny flickering heart. They estimate my due date to be April 10th.

August 27 - 8 weeks 1 day: Appointment with my midwife Jess - she said it would be too early to hear the heartbeat so she asks if I want to see the baby instead. Absolutely I do! The baby is still a small blob but now it has tiny arm and leg buds. Jess refers to the baby as a gummy bear. Everything looks to be exactly on schedule. I'm still scared to death but it's really starting to hit me that I really am pregnant!

(Baby is on the lower left of the black circle - see the tiny arm and leg buds?)

September 16 - 11 weeks 3 days: A small amount of spotting prompts me to email my doctor questioning whether or not I should be concerned. My regular appointment isn't for 9 more days and the spotting is causing me to have small anxiety attacks. The doctor calmly asks that I go to the local hospital for an ultrasound because spotting can be concerning at 11 weeks.

When the tech finally brings the baby onto the screen I see the baby is bouncing around and I finally breathe again. Up until then I was so afraid that this baby wouldn't be healthy and really actually exist. At 11 weeks I knew that my chances of losing the baby were becoming smaller and smaller by the day. I went home after that appointment breathing much easier. I'm amazed at how much can change in just a few weeks.

(Yes, 3-D ultrasounds can be weird looking sometimes.)

My midwife, Jess, she called me back that night at 8pm - a few hours after my scan. 

She said they didn't find a reason for the bleeding... but they did find an abnormality in the baby. She said that there was an extra air pocket of sorts in the baby's neck - what they think is a thickened nuchal fold. I had to stop her and ask what those words were that she was saying.

Nuchal fold. I wrote it down, I wanted to Google it.

They need me to see a perionatologist within the next few days for a special ultrasound to verify the thickened nuchal fold.  I thanked her and hung up.

And then I Googled thickened nuchal fold. I quickly read that it could be an indicator of Down's syndrome and I closed my phone.
I was scared - but as of that moment - I didn't see a reason for unnecessary worry. Whatever was done, was done. Worrying wasn't going to change the outcome. There was one thing I was holding on to - the fact that the ER tech wasn't technically looking for abnormalities in the baby - they could have been completely wrong in what they saw.
I had hope.