The 24 hours after.

I don't think I have to tell you how long 24 hours can be when you're waiting to hear about the fate of your child. The day that I got home from the ultrasound there was a lot of crying as I told Kevin and then a few select people. Kevin made me dinner and despite the mess I felt I was internally, I managed to eat - I still needed to take care of the baby. After dinner was over the doorbell rang; a package had been delivered. In the worst possible time ever, my insurance company had sent me a "Congratulations on your pregnancy" package, including a week by week pregnancy book. I looked up CVS in the index and read the very small blurb that had been my day. Had I read it prior to my day, I wouldn't have been any more prepared for what I had gone through. I threw the box along with the book on the kitchen table. It broke my heart to look at it. I spent the night watching TV for distraction and checking my temperature as instructed by the doctor.

The day I stopped worrying.

The day of my NT scan (nuchal translucency screen) I worked in the morning. I was anxious but I wasn't afraid. Like I had said previously, I knew that worrying couldn't change the outcome. To be completely honest, as I got ready to leave for my appointment I had calmed myself by thinking that there would be nothing wrong - the previous ultrasound tech and doctor weren't looking at the nuchal fold when they found it - so I'm sure they didn't even get the proper images needed to determine it was "too big". I wasn't even entirely sure what "too big meant". I started to do research but then I started to drive myself insane so I stopped immediately.

Weeks 4-11

I have quite a bit to backtrack on so I'm going to lump most of the first trimester into one entry.